It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
