Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
