There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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