so explain again why im purple
no
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
