So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
