he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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