When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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