If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
