That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
