"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
