He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
