Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
