My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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