She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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