A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
