you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
