You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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