What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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