She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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