A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
