I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
