So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
