It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want nice things and good sex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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