Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
