Your dad touched me again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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