Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
