At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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