Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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