The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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