Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
