Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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