man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
