guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
