I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
