i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
