I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
