I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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