my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
