...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
