my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
