i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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