I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
