Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
