Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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