I wish i was in the wii world.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
