the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we're making bets on your personal life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
