I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
