Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize