alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I smell stomach acid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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