But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
