If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
