He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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