dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
