I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
