The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
