i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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