I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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