he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
two words...techno handjob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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