hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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