the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize