I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
