He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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