i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
