If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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