he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
