There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
