The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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