Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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