I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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