I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
