Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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