Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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