atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
