hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
