My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
