wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
