Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
