it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
