i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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