I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
