where am i from again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
